Today’s post is more of a crisis-infused rant than a proper blog post.
For perhaps the eighth time since I started thinking about my career path, I am once again clueless as to what I’d like to *do* with the rest of my life.
I once read somewhere that everyone has a little ‘save the world’ in them. I know this is certainly true for me, and it’s been bugging me as I prepare to leave academia as a traditional student and go out into the ‘real’ world. I’ve been feeling crushed lately, knowing that my ‘talent’ of writing isn’t going to help anyone in a real world sense.
Lately, I’ve been reading Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Dr Yuval Harari. It focuses on imagined realities and the rise of Homo sapiens. Dr Harari posits that we are able to control the world because of our ability to create fiction. Not fiction in the traditional novel sense – fiction like gods, corporations, money, nations. If everything we’ve ever known, if every aspect of our lives is pure fiction, and I’m good at creating fiction, then in theory, I really have the noblest profession.
But I don’t feel like I do. Most recently, I wanted to write for video games, until I realised that it’s not gonna help solve any of the very real problems our planet is facing. Before that, I wanted to teach English at university, until I realised my hatred of the traditional education system and the horrors academia would wreak on the family life I want to have. Before that, I wanted to be a journalist, until I realised how depressed I’d be reporting the atrocities in this world day after day. And before that, I wanted to be a novelist, until I realised that I’d never make enough money to survive.
So here I am, the girl who’s always had a plan – or at least been able to create a new plan at a moment’s notice – without a clue where I want to go or what I want to do.
This book has given me an inkling, though. I’ve always felt tied to academia in a sense, and I have a great interest in sociology and the history of humanity. Perhaps I could do some research similar to Dr Harari’s, maybe write some journal articles. I may well end up in academia after all, but I hope that it’s in the form of some open internet course or as an independent researcher.
If Dr Harari has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t ever have all the answers, and that this life we know is essentially a figment of our imagination anyway. Maybe I shouldn’t even worry about it. What I really want to do is move to a rural area, grow a nice little garden, and provide for the family I eventually want. That would be enough for me, and maybe that’s the goal I need to work toward.
If you stumbled onto this post by some strange coincidence, then I’m sorry. I’m just thinking out loud, as it were. And I welcome any suggestions you guys might have – I’m stumped.
Also please forgive the corny picture, I just needed something, haha.