I wrote ‘jumper poem’ shortly after I left Adam to go back to America for the first time. At the time, we didn’t know how long we would be separated.
He let me take his Bob Dylan jumper (pictured in the poem) to America with me, which he used to wear all the time when we first met. I wore it literally everywhere, slept with it on, never washed it once. It gave me peace, knowing I always had a tiny piece of him with me.
I’ve been through a lot of tough stuff in my life, but being away from him was one of the toughest things I ever dealt with. I couldn’t even eat; I didn’t have an appetite without him. I would throw up my own stomach acid in the mornings from skipping dinner the night before. I shrunk down to 98 lbs.
Again, our entire relationship follows a long bout of depression and struggles with suicidal thoughts, which explains the somewhat sobering last stanza. Adam was my saving grace – I don’t like thinking about what might have happened to me if I’d never met him.
The main issue I have with this poem is the fact that, in the second-to-last stanza, I say ‘when I whisper that he’s my hero’ right after talking about Bob Dylan’s typographic face. It makes me sound like I’m talking about Bob Dylan. And while I love his music, I’m definitely not talking about him in this poem. But it was written while I was sitting in class, missing Adam especially bad, so I wasn’t paying attention to grammar. (Plus that stanza rhymes, and I’m not great with rhyme, but I still like it because it’s accurate.)
This poem is unfinished, actually. I don’t like the transition between the last three stanzas. I never even gave it a proper name, just named the document ‘jumper poem’ in my writing folder, so that’s what it’s called. I always wanted to go back and revisit it. I might do in future. I think it has potential to be something greater than what it is, and as a writer, I owe it to Adam and myself to portray our struggles in the best way I can.
But that’s enough sap for this week! Who knows what next week brings? At this point, I don’t even know myself, so it’ll be a surprise for both of us!