At first glance, the title of this poem sounds kinda dirty, but ‘thoughts while in the shower’ isn’t about anything perverse at all. It’s actually quite dark.
I remember exactly what I was doing when I wrote this poem. It might surprise you – I was taking a shower.
It was the summer before I came to Winchester, so I was still living in America at the time. I was feeling particularly down that day, but I don’t know what exactly led me to write this poem. I started writing it in my head. Usually, when I do that, I forget the brilliance I came up with after a few minutes. But this poem stuck with me.
This is one of my all-time favourites, but I’ve never been able to figure out why. It’s an excellent summary of one part of my struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder. I think it really shows how exhausting mental illness can be sometimes. I really did wish I could melt, swirl down the drain with the water. (And sometimes I still do.)
As for the screaming aura, I don’t know what that’s about. I just think I felt really intense that day. I think I felt like, even if I could somehow melt, the toxic thoughts in my head would still exist somehow, would still be out there tormenting other people. They just felt that real, that eternal.
Well, that’s it for #BadPoetry this week. Tune in this Friday for the next instalment of #BadPoetry – but as a reward for playing along, I’ll go ahead and give you a sneak preview of ‘drunk on 4 am’:
no, it’s not drunk at 4 am,
it’s drunk on 4 am,